My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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