As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
