Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
