He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
