The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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