you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
