Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
