Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
