Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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