Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
