I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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