i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
