Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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