Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
