Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
