I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
