its not stalking. its research.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
