this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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