I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
