I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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