I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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