do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
