for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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