is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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