Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
