Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
