you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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