just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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