Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
