How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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