Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
