Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
