God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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