its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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