New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
