the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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