Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
