nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
