This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
