i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
