Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
