This show inspires me to have sex in space
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
