Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
