I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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