real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
