And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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