I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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