is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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