I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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