You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
